A random title for a random post. But it's all true.
For being canned meat (doesn't that just give you a gross image?), corned beef isn't bad. And it's rill good in a casserole dish . ..you know, with white sauce, cheese and bread. Yummy! And it's prolly pretty tasty fried, but I've never tried it that way. But I think I've figured out a few reasons why it's not a staple in the American diet:
1. It's dang expensive. $5+ for one can. Just think: you can buy another can that has the letters "C-o-r-n" for as low as $.69. . . . Hmm.
2. What is it made out of anyway? How is it made? Who really knows? And what makes it corned? And how is "corn" a verb? I don't get it.
3. Well, have you looked at it raw? Gross. Especially the off-white fatty chunks molded into it.
4. "And I'd like one of those meat cans you have to open with a key" (10 pts for anyone who really knows what I'm quoting). Seriously. A key?! Keys are usually used to open cool things, like your apartment or car door, the mailbox, a safe deposit box .. .but food? (That makes it sound like food is not cool, but it often is). Why do you need a key to open food? It's like a finger obstacle course for a fat guy. You probably burn brain calories trying to figure out how to open it. Either that or you injure yourself. Or you accidentally break off the tab thing, and you're left with a key and nowhere to insert it. Great. An unopenable can of gross looking expensive meat. But if by some miracle, you master the key thing, how do you get it to come out of the can? Yeah, you got half an inch stickin' out, but how do you get the rest of it out? Then comes the awkward downward thrusts of the can to oblige the fatty meat to slide on outta there. But usually, besides not helping the meat come out, it just makes you wonder once again why you even bought that expensive, mysterious, seclusive chunk of meat in a can.
For being canned meat (doesn't that just give you a gross image?), corned beef isn't bad. And it's rill good in a casserole dish . ..you know, with white sauce, cheese and bread. Yummy! And it's prolly pretty tasty fried, but I've never tried it that way. But I think I've figured out a few reasons why it's not a staple in the American diet:
1. It's dang expensive. $5+ for one can. Just think: you can buy another can that has the letters "C-o-r-n" for as low as $.69. . . . Hmm.
2. What is it made out of anyway? How is it made? Who really knows? And what makes it corned? And how is "corn" a verb? I don't get it.
3. Well, have you looked at it raw? Gross. Especially the off-white fatty chunks molded into it.
4. "And I'd like one of those meat cans you have to open with a key" (10 pts for anyone who really knows what I'm quoting). Seriously. A key?! Keys are usually used to open cool things, like your apartment or car door, the mailbox, a safe deposit box .. .but food? (That makes it sound like food is not cool, but it often is). Why do you need a key to open food? It's like a finger obstacle course for a fat guy. You probably burn brain calories trying to figure out how to open it. Either that or you injure yourself. Or you accidentally break off the tab thing, and you're left with a key and nowhere to insert it. Great. An unopenable can of gross looking expensive meat. But if by some miracle, you master the key thing, how do you get it to come out of the can? Yeah, you got half an inch stickin' out, but how do you get the rest of it out? Then comes the awkward downward thrusts of the can to oblige the fatty meat to slide on outta there. But usually, besides not helping the meat come out, it just makes you wonder once again why you even bought that expensive, mysterious, seclusive chunk of meat in a can.
2 comments:
We're making corned beef casserole for Mom and Dad when they come! ("Dad" is what we've decided to call Heidi for this visit, because it rolls of the tongue easier than "Mom and Heidi.")
And Home Alone 2. Ten points for me!
Oh, Spencer, I'm sorry we missed that corned beef casserole -- plans of the different meals kept changing based on how our day went. But keep it in mind next time I come visit you.
Becca, you're funny (not weird this time)! I love your analysis of corned beef.
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